The Fragility of Relationships

For the first time, I’m finally free. I’m learning to be happy. I have the weight lifted from my shoulders. I can fly away. 

Humans are complex beings. Their traits fluctuate in the sequence of waves, but at the end of the day, personalities are the things that make them memorable. What’s that quote again? Something along the lines of people aren’t going to remember what you wear or look like, but how you make them feel. I’m going to stray from my usual writing style to get personal and real with you, whoever you may be: you will never know what goes on inside someone’s mind, and you shouldn’t take it personally.

It’s funny how situational a lot of friendships are. When you are in a city for a certain number of years, surrounded by a group of strangers (some of which eventually turn into friends), you start to form connections. Co-workers, acquaintances, partners, and friendships. You develop these connections because that’s what human nature tells you to do, but the strength of them cannot be determined until the situation of which everything is based off, differs. When you graduate, when you move away, when the rest of your life starts to occur. All of a sudden you’re in a new city, far away from those relationships that you formed over the course of the last 4 -5 years, and everything is different. But not necessarily in a bad way. You quickly realize who is there when you need them, who you decide to still make the time for, and who you cut. I know that sounds harsh but let’s be frank, there are some people that no matter how much you try to convince yourself that you’re meant to stay friends, don’t make the list. And you’ll probably never know why they have that effect, but that’s just how it is. And if you are one of the people who is suddenly removed from the life of your friends, don’t take it personally. Explanation given or not, the circumstances of your friendship has changed and that’s just how life is. No one said it would be fair. But there is no need to be upset, you have no idea how you affect those around you. You will never know what goes on inside someone’s mind, and you shouldn’t take it personally. 

When you move away, that fog that clouds your judgement, begins to lift. Everything becomes clearer. The people you once thought you couldn’t live without become distant as you realize everything was superficial. You remain grateful about the memories formed with them and you will always wish them happiness for their future, but your time together has run its course. It’s time to move on. Some relationships become questionable. Neither party really wants to put in the effort to speak to the other due to time straints, schedules, or emotional baggage but they still care for one another. These become the ones where you no longer make the time for the other person but if you happen to be in the area, you send a message informing them of such and if you both are free, you grab a quick coffee. These individuals have been transformed to a “I want to remain in contact if it’s convenient at the time for both of us” friend. And there is nothing wrong with that. It is the reality of starting your new life. Finally, some relationships are worth salvaging, and those are the ones that come with ease. The ones where trust is a two-way street and your intentions and morals are never questions. Where not speaking for a couple of weeks doesn’t raise panic, but an understanding that the other person has begun the rest of their lives as well. Those relationships are the ones that last.

I don’t know which category I fall under with a lot of people I know, and that’s alright because for a lot of people, I am still figuring out where they fall. All I know are the select few that I know to be special, and those are the ones where communication isn’t strained or stressful. Your social circle gets both larger and smaller as you grow-up. It expands in the sense that you meet new cohorts of individuals everyday, for the rest of your life. It shrinks in the fact that no matter how many people enter and exit your life, you limit the number who get to enter those barriers that you have posted so vigorously. And your relationship with them strengthens into titanium. And when life takes you away to new adventures, you know that they will always just be a phone call away.

People are fragile. When they are hurt or confused, they run away. It is not your job to chase them. There is a reason they are running and if you chase them, you may be dragging them back to a place they don’t want to be. You are stopping them from spreading their wings and experiencing freedom. You may not even know that you are doing it. Don’t be offended when ties are cut without explanation. Take the moment to realize that you don’t know who you are in someone else’s eyes. Smile at the memories, put them somewhere safe, take a deep breath, and continue with the rest of your life.

Because oh what a beautiful life it will be.

You just have to live it.

 

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